So last night, after Yom Kippur ended and we broke the fast, we came home, put the kids to bed, and settled in… with my tikun (Torah readers’ bible) and another plain-jane copy of Etz Chayim.

This coming Saturday, my wife’s reading Torah, in honor of the twentieth anniversary of her Bat Mitzvah. Continue reading →

So, Rosh Hashanah starts tonight, and we’re back to the same old problem – what to do with the kids.

In past years, we’ve had babysitting at the synagogue, which has made what to do with the children easy.  Even easier, last year, the holidays were during the week, so we simply sent the Monster to school, and while R was too young to go to sitting, we could manage him in the quiet room. Continue reading →

It’s not just that our dues to the synagogue were due this week, in order to be considered members in good standing to get our tickets for High Holydays, but the fact that I got the gabbai list for the rest of 2013, and my name’s up for Gabbai Sheni for Simhat Torah.

I’ve been reading Torah since my Bar Mitzvah (obviously).  When I was single and living in Texas, I used to read on a regular basis for my congregation down there, since it seemed like a good way to give back. That tendency continued when I made the move back to Maryland, first at my grandmother’s congregation, then the congregation I joined on my own, and then finally at the shul where I attend with my wife today. Continue reading →

So it’s Shavuot.

Normally, Shavuot passes without much going on in our house – yes, it’s a major holiday, but I’m not generally taking time off of work or whatnot.  On the other hand, the wife’s in the vocal ensemble at our shul, and this was an occasion where the ensemble was asked to perform. Continue reading →

Tomorrow is my every-so-often date with jumping up on the bimah to do my thing.  My “thing”, in this case, is playing gabbai sheni (the “second” gabbai, the person who corrects the Torah reader, as opposed to gabbai rishon who calls out the honors and coaches the folks through what they ought to be doing).  For the first time in a long time, I’m flying solo with the kids for the whole day tomorrow, as the wife’s going to a local Autism conference, my in-laws are out of town, and my folks are just a bit too far away to cover.

I should mention that this is with the caveat that the Monster’s actually being dropped off at “Parents’ Day Out” before I head to shul.

Yes, I’ve mentioned that our congregation has a quiet room, which is a Wonderful Thing.  I’d rarely get to synagogue at all without it, and as it is, I spend much of the services at High HolyDays in there rather than in my much-more-comfortable seat in the sanctuary, if only because the Monster’s not… calm enough to stay out there for long periods of time.  (And, granted, much of the congregation knows us and about the Monster having Autism.  If they don’t know us… they’re kind of oblivious, between everything our family does there.)  But I can’t leave both kids alone in there while I’m on the bimah – that’s just not fair to anyone (and it’s a violation of the quiet room rules, to boot).  Nor can I really manage both children while I’m supposed to be on the bimah.  The wife had an offer from a friend to have her daughter watch the baby while I’m up there, and so it’ll be a quick run in the morning to drop off the Monster, then over to shul, then back to pick him up and head home once my little duty is done.

And I feel awful about it.

To me, going to synagogue is supposed to be about both religion and family.  (As I wait for folks who knew me in my pre-marriage days to chime in with the fact that I used to go every week by myself just fine without the latter… and yes, I used to go a lot more.  It is more complicated when you have kids.)  And I feel like something of a failure for not only having to admit that I can’t really go to shul alone with the kids if I’m going to be on the bimah, much less feeling that I can’t handle both kids in a religious space without help.  Even if that last bit isn’t quite true – I could handle them just fine, as long as I’m resigned to sitting in the quiet room – it’s still an impression I’m working on.

Just a lot of ‘ifs’ in my head about going to synagogue in general with the Monster.  If I could figure out how to explain to him that he needs to be quiet (without food bribes).  If I could explain in a way he’d understand about how beautiful the religion is, how meaningful it can be.  If I could teach him to read Hebrew so he could daven along with everyone else.  And of course, these are all really more ‘if I could right this moment’ – I have confidence he’ll learn it all eventually…

I know God knows what I’m feeling, why I feel that way, and forgives me for my feeling like a failure.  I wish I was so understanding.

I’ve probably been fairly up-front with the fact that I’m not a huge fan of Christmas – at least insofar as how it seems that we’re all being smothered by it once we get to Halloween, and worse as we go through November and December.  (I’ll admit also that I’ve actually permanently banned, in my car, the two radio stations that switch to Christmas-only after Thanksgiving.  Do we really need a solid month-plus of holiday tunes?)  To me, the bigger problem is trying to make sure, with a son on the spectrum, that he understands about Hanukkah. Continue reading →

Tonight is Yom Kippur.  And we’re going to synagogue for Kol Nidre.

Unlike a lot of families that I grew up with – and a lot of families I know – we take our children with us to synagogue for Kol Nidre.  I spent more than one such evening babysitting for neighbors when I was younger, to make sure they could go to services.  We’re fortunate enough to have a synagogue with a soundproofed quiet room that looks into the sanctuary and is wired to the same sound system, so we can daven along with the congregation while our children are acting like crazy people. Continue reading →